Trying To Runaway

When you’re alone in the darkness
spotlight cant fill the emptiness
When you hide inside your room,
hearing your daddy’s footsteps
When you wanna be in someone else’s life
Using a mask to cover the hurts
When you’re trying to runaway
But chains are too strong,
cant be broken..

When nobody understands you
People around you just full of fakes
When you’re asking why you should have this
And others not
When insecurity haunting you
Longing to get over it but you can’t
When you’re pointing out other’s weaknesses
To make you feel better

There’s someone, be there for you
Binding the wound that hurts in your heart
There’s someone, fills the emptiness
Break the bonds and set you free
There’s someone cares for you
Loving you because of who you are
There’s someone, you can hold on to
No matter the circumstances

When you don’t know whats your life for
Living in the world you hate
When everything is fading away
nothing you can hold on to
When you wanna be in someone else’s life
Using a mask to cover the hurts
When you’re trying to runaway
But chains are too strong,
cant be broken..

You’re precious
You’re beautiful
You’re loved
You’re made to shine..
I see what anyone cant see in you.
Come to me who are weary and burdened, I’ll give you a rest..

a paul’s gangsta statement

yow yoww. back again! whoaa, its now december! it means, christmas is coming to town baby! Have yourself a merry little christmas, may your heart be light, from now on your troubles will be out of sightt *singing. hahaa. Oh how i love christmas. cihayyy!

since i met jesus, my christmas is being different, how now its not just a month with party, christmas songs, trees, and those christmas feelings, but an evaluation time where i can look through my self from the last year to this year. seeing how i got more handsome from year to year*hahaha. how i see my life being changed from year to year. hans antonio in christmas 2008 will be so different compared to hans antonio in christmas 2007.

so many things been happening this year, good stuffs, bad stuffs. but i learned so much through that. i learned about god’s love for me and others, i learned how to value people just as they are, love them because of who they are, not because of their coolness, position, the way they look, learned to love people just like god loves them, and others stuffs as well that will take a lifetime to write it down here.

i can see now how my life change a lot since i have jesus as the full owner of my life. HE’s MY SUPER BIG BOSS now! haha.

one day in college, im learning about those maslow’s pyramid of human needs, how human need physical needs, safety needs, social needs, self-esteem, self actualization. and at that time i felt like god said to me “hans, look at those pyramid of needs, you’ve got it all from me..”

damn yeah! it was so true. i care nothing bout those crap, how people see me, how i look cool in front of people, how i get high status in society, how im being accepted by people, i already got everything that i need from jesus! he fulfills my life, he accepts me just as i am, i dont need to be fake in front of him, he values me just as i am, he loves me, he cares about me, he encourages me, he is so real to me, and yet he gives me all that i need, money, foods, real true friends, and others. its a complete packet!

theres a paul’s gangsta statement in phillipians 3 that keep stirring in my heart..

“but whatever was to my profit i now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake i have lost all things. i consider them rubbish, that i may gain Christ”

sick, huh? considering everything is a loss for a jewish rockin man-he is a son of god though, that died and rose again for me called Jesus. but yea, when i know him more and more, its all being a crap.. he’s just everything that i need!

happy holidays!

    

 

pictures..

this is some of the pictures that i took during the ministry time this last couple of weeks

   

 

 

those kids are so precious..

i dont know why, i just wanna wash this old man hands and feet..

 

 

 

being as one family..

there was some of the pictures..aahh. i got a lot more gnarly pictures of it, but i cant put it all here. its gonna be so slow here, if i do that..

time to chill

Whoaa.my life is been intense lately..working with the last wave of megacities, working on my college stuffs, dealing with my family-how they haven’t understand what im doing now, and what im gonna do for the rest of my life. i was got exhausted one day. I felt wanna freak out with all of this.. i dont know why, i dont wanna grumble, but i was in the point when it all just felt so exhausting.

but god is always be my perfect father..his loving and encouraging heart is my portion. he never leave me, he is crazy in love with me.haha. he is everything that i need..when all my world fades, his love stand still. his joy is my strength!

Psalms is been so encouraging.

“the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of the death, i will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me..” psalms23:1-4

and this next 3 days is gonna be prayer and fasting day for all the facilitator in the north, no ministry with megacities for the next 3 days..really sit and listen to what he really wants us to do, praying hardcore for the local churches to unite and move out from their freakin comfort zone, see that the people in this city need the love of jesus so much more than religion rules and fancy building..

well..Its gonna be time for me to rest too, having my private time with god, watching dvds, just chillaxing..yeahh.

oh im so wanna be in the evening acoustic live music just chillin with close friends and talk.hahaa

a reckless abandon

yes! im back in this digital thingy again. hey you know what? today i just got a super cool innovation on how to poo in public toilet. simple, clean, dry, fast, practical..if you wanna learn i can teach you, you can just pay cheap price laa..
only Rp50.000 or $5 per session. i will keep your privacy.. no expensive laa, cmon laa you should tlai laa..it will be helpful for you laa..haha. *oh man, my chinesse blood is in high pressure.

oh yeah! im so happy today..its been freakin awesome. today my dad and my mom had their 22nd wedding anniversary, it was yesterday actually but we celebrate it today. our family went dinner at a new seafood resto-i forgot the name near the beach at ancol.such a beautiful place..

and then before we start eating dinner, i just felt like i have to pray for my family.im not used to do that,kinda awkward for me! but yea, i just wanna pray, then i said "hey, lets pray together first.." so i just start pray for them, for their marriage, for their love, for them to complete each other in their marriage, to be a servant for each other, pray for encouragment and others that i already forgot now..and suddenly i saw my mom start crying, o my god..then i continue pray for my 2 younger brothers, for them to now whats God called them to be in their live.

whoaa,its crazy. and after i pray they didnt say anything, but i feel like God is crying with tears of proud and joy..he said "Hans, you made me cry..im proud of you" aaaaaaaa. its crazy. Jesus is absolutely gila! and he's kinda emo..haha. even he can destroy this whole galaxy with just one snap of his fingertips, but still He's emo! i love you Jesus my eveything!

maybe its not sound special for some of you..but for my family its really special. my dad and mom never been prayed together on their anniversary..so today was the FIRST TIME! it was really beautiful..i know it still kinda awkward for them to do this sweet godly loving thing, but when the super deep love of the Father touch their heart more and more, they will be crazy about it! this is what ive been praying for..i wanna see my family experience and understand about the deep the wide and the indescribable LOVE OF GOD!

oh yeah..and you know what yesterday evening God told me to go to andy's church,i didnt know why.but when i was in a worship time there's a song, "amazing love" he said that he told me to go there just for me to know that song..what the heck. but yes, that song is crazy.
it said like this..

im forgiven because you were forsaken,
im accepted because you were condemened
amazing love how could it be
you are a King but you died for me
amazing love i know its true

yeaaah! its all about love..

"and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. the greatest thing of it is LOVE"-1corinthians13:somewhere

im recklessly abandoned by his love..

ps: thanks joy for your prayer. you see it, huh? you are annointed! haha

love fools

love unfailing, overtaking my heart
you take me in,
fear is lost in you are

and i would give the world to tell your story
cause i know that you've called me
i know that you've called me

i lost my self for good within your promise
i won't hide it
i won't hide it

Jesus i believe in you
and i would go
to the ends of the earth
to the ends of the earth
for you alone, are the Son of God
and all the world will see
that you are God
you are God

mann..this song is been inspiring me maybe for this last 7 months. my favorite line is "I WOULD GIVE THE WORLD TO TELL YOUR STORY, CAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU'VE CALLED ME..I LOST MY SELF FOR GOOD WITHIN YOUR PROMISE, I WON'T HIDE IT, I WON'T HIDE IT.."

giving up my own world is not always easy, losing my own self is not always easy.. surrendering my future, my school, my family, my relationship, my will, my all..
its a violent! kingdom of God suffers violent and the violent take it by force. *oh i love that line, thanks god for misty edwards.
but i don't care! i wanna lay it all down before him. Can you imagine an uncreated super mighty crazy God longing to give a jerk like me a big destiny, a big calling to reach out the whole planet for Him? man, its gonna be so dumb if i still stubborn and just doing my life by my own way, by my own will..
i wanna lay every single small details of my life! i wanna die deep into the love of God. i wanna be equally yoke to him. i wanna love him like crazy. i wanna fix my eyes on him. i wanna be a foolish lover of him.

i know it will not be that easy, but Jesus said somewhere at matthew or luke "put my yoke on you, because my yoke is not heavy, and your burden is light".
i believe he will help me to lay it all down before him. he will bless me with a foolishness to believe every little crazy things he said to me, even when i'm in the dark night, with storm and raging sea.
He is unshakable, his words endures forever.

the weird feeling inside my stomach

oh yeah, this is my first blog!

Last night i got something crazy. Wed, 17th, a letter from ywam perth is at the

desk of my living room, my heartbeat beats faster when i saw that letter, i dont know why..and after that my father saw that letter and ask "whats that?", and im thinking "is it the time to tell my dad about it?". and i said to my dad its a school, and after that my daddy just go without reaction. and i just sit the living room reading the letter and asking god about what should i do, there's a verse that letter said "to obey is better than sacrifice", and after that i feel God told me to stay at the living room.

a few minutes my dad back to the living room, and i start to talk, i said "its a school, for 6 months.." i just wanna start to explain it but suddenly God told me to shut up and go to my room and fill that personal questioner that the ywam perth gave to me..

okay, i just wanna obey his words. and suddenly i read a words in the magazine that they gave me said "You're blessed because you believe what He said". i start crying when i read that words. God is really awesome!! even tough there's still no reaction from my dad, but i believe that God is speaking to him, putting something weird in his heart when he saw that letter. haha.

and the next morning i was chatting with my friend, we are sharing about whats been happening in our life lately. and you know what?? he said that he wants to support me in finance when i go in the mission field! o my god. its crazy.. God is really teaching me step by step to just obey him, fix my eyes on him, and lay down my life before him..

this last couple of days was so crazy. i dont know why there's a super weird feelings inside my stomach. i feel like Im gonna face a new phase of my life soon. its crazy, exciting, scaring, lovesick, all mixed up together..aaaaaa

and this last 2 days God is been revealing to me about an awkward thing called marriage! what the heck. He's revealing me about the bride and the bridegroom. can you imagine if there are 2 bride of Christ being as one! with one heart, one vision, one passion! each of them know that to love is to die for ourself.. its gonna be super awesome! but i just feel weird, why God reveal that kinda things to me these time? mann im still 21.

i have a random thought about having a missionary, dancer, and a brown skin future wive..hahaa. kinda weird, huh?

its all seem like too gila-gilaan to be true. but yea, its true. its a reality! this is what life is. to have an adventure with the heavenly bridegroom as we die more for ourself each day..